The Birth of a Mother's Heart

As I'm getting ready for my fourth and final birth, I'm getting nervous and excited.  I always journal during my pregnancies in my baby journal, and I read the first entry the other day.  I wrote it on June 1, 2006 when I had just found out I was pregnant with my first child.  I thought I'd record it here, so that I may never forget the birth of my mother's heart.

"To all my future children,  I offer all the hopes, dreams, and love that this mother's heart can pour out on you.  I love you so much already.  I can't explain loving someone without even setting eyes on them or hearing their voice.  I can offer this explanation: God in His glorious riches grants a mother's heart the ability to love furiously and sacrificially beyond her own ability. 

I have not always had this mother's heart.  For years, I thought I didn't want children. My heart was closed off.   I was determined I could not be good enough. I was afraid my past would seep into my parenting, and as a result I would wound you.  I also struggled with selfishness and fear.  

God again in His graciousness gave me  a new heart when we cared for my niece for a year.  My mother's heart became alive as I fell into my new role as her "mother".  After losing her, I ached  for children to hold, guide, and love .  I lived for the day you would enter my life and see you with my very own eyes."

In a few days, my family will be complete.   All my dreams have come true.  I will have four beautiful, precious children to love, serve, teach, train, and hold.  I feel so fulfilled with motherhood and staying home to raise my family. 

God has blessed me with more than I could have ever have desired or hoped for.  I feel so unworthy of this incredible honor. I praise God for giving me my mother's heart.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!