Today is just one of those days. I just had to turn on the tv for Clark, put Joel in the swing, and use the time for myself. Today this post is dedicated to me and all you mommies.
Life with a two year old is "the best of times and the worst of times" to quote a website I read recently. I love my little Clark. He makes me so proud and makes me laugh so much. He owns my heart with his big eyes and sweet "Thank you Mommy" "I love you Mommy" statements. He is absolutely precious when he runs up to his baby brother and kisses him on the lips ever so carefully. But there are a few moments that I just don't know what to do with him. Today has been been filled with those moments.
Here's just one of our challenging moments today-- Clark got angry this morning at his train table, and before I knew it he had ripped off and thrown the pieces across the room. Then as I was trying to spend time with him, teach him a lesson, and clean up the mess, he ran off. Okay, no problem I thought. I finished putting the piece I had in my hands up, and slowly got up from the floor. (Thirty years is slowly me down a little I have to admit.) As I walk into the other room I see Clark shaking little Joel's head and being very rough with him. I honestly don't know what was in Clark's head. Was he trying to hurt Joel? Maybe he was just playing with him. Either way, it broke Joel's heart. Big huge tears began pouring, and his little face looked like his feeling were hurt. All I could do was just stare at Clark because I wanted to lose it. I knew I couldn't spank because I was angry and didn't want to take that chance of crossing the line. So I just talked to him.
I felt like a failure as a mom. I was trying to help my son learn responsibility, and I think I frustrated him to the point of hurting his brother. Then I felt so overwhelmed with emotion, I couldn't discipline the way I know I should have.
After a minute when I calmed Joel, I told Clark I was going to pray for him. I prayed with all my heart that Clark and Joel would love each other. I prayed for them to love the Lord. I prayed for God to give me His wisdom for parenting. And all I could do was just weep the words out aloud. It felt so good to have my Father to turn to in my mommy time of need. What would I do without Him???
I write all this so that you will know you are not alone. And after this morning I have decided every time I read one of your blogs, I will stop before I read it or enjoy the pictures, and I will pray for you as a mom. It might get old, but I will pray for God to give you patience and wisdom with your children. I will pray you will enjoy your children and that they will love their parents, the Lord, and their siblings. I would appreciate any prayers as well. You know I need them ;-).
I feel better already after venting in this post. Thanks for being there for me and giving me this outlet. I hope you are having a great day. You are in my prayers.