Today is just one of those days. I just had to turn on the tv for Clark, put Joel in the swing, and use the time for myself. Today this post is dedicated to me and all you mommies.
Life with a two year old is "the best of times and the worst of times" to quote a website I read recently. I love my little Clark. He makes me so proud and makes me laugh so much. He owns my heart with his big eyes and sweet "Thank you Mommy" "I love you Mommy" statements. He is absolutely precious when he runs up to his baby brother and kisses him on the lips ever so carefully. But there are a few moments that I just don't know what to do with him. Today has been been filled with those moments.
Here's just one of our challenging moments today-- Clark got angry this morning at his train table, and before I knew it he had ripped off and thrown the pieces across the room. Then as I was trying to spend time with him, teach him a lesson, and clean up the mess, he ran off. Okay, no problem I thought. I finished putting the piece I had in my hands up, and slowly got up from the floor. (Thirty years is slowly me down a little I have to admit.) As I walk into the other room I see Clark shaking little Joel's head and being very rough with him. I honestly don't know what was in Clark's head. Was he trying to hurt Joel? Maybe he was just playing with him. Either way, it broke Joel's heart. Big huge tears began pouring, and his little face looked like his feeling were hurt. All I could do was just stare at Clark because I wanted to lose it. I knew I couldn't spank because I was angry and didn't want to take that chance of crossing the line. So I just talked to him.
I felt like a failure as a mom. I was trying to help my son learn responsibility, and I think I frustrated him to the point of hurting his brother. Then I felt so overwhelmed with emotion, I couldn't discipline the way I know I should have.
After a minute when I calmed Joel, I told Clark I was going to pray for him. I prayed with all my heart that Clark and Joel would love each other. I prayed for them to love the Lord. I prayed for God to give me His wisdom for parenting. And all I could do was just weep the words out aloud. It felt so good to have my Father to turn to in my mommy time of need. What would I do without Him???
I write all this so that you will know you are not alone. And after this morning I have decided every time I read one of your blogs, I will stop before I read it or enjoy the pictures, and I will pray for you as a mom. It might get old, but I will pray for God to give you patience and wisdom with your children. I will pray you will enjoy your children and that they will love their parents, the Lord, and their siblings. I would appreciate any prayers as well. You know I need them ;-).
I feel better already after venting in this post. Thanks for being there for me and giving me this outlet. I hope you are having a great day. You are in my prayers.
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I'm sorry you're having a rough day! You need to leave the kids with someone and get out of the house for some much needed mommy-time! And, yes, I deal with the Mommy blues more often than I would like to admit.
ReplyDeleteIt is a never-ending lesson it seems, this idea of "gentle".
ReplyDeleteI have cried tears of frustration more than I want to admit over parenting issues. You are right - two year olds are so sweet one minute, so stubborn the next. Lord, grant us patience when we are swift to anger, consistency when we need to discipline, grace to show Your love - and the wisdom to know what their little hearts need in each situation! Hang in there, and thanks for sharing.
I have had many of these moments and entire days of them. And unfortunately, I can remember many times when I lost it. The discipline needs to happen, but you were probably right to refrain yourself since you knew you wouldn't be able to remain unemotional. I have made that choice a few times too. And it gets easier as you can send them to their room, saying, "Mommy is going to come see you and spank you, but first we both need some time to be alone and think about what happened." Or, even before that stage, "Go to your room and wait for Mommy. Don't come out. I will come to you." At Clark's age, he doesn't remember what belated consequences are for. That will happen around age 3 most likely. Maybe sooner depending on him. He was acting out some kind of frustration, and the tough part is that you can only guess at what it is! And oh, how I have cried in frustration over my kids and when they hurt each other, whether verbally or physically. I think praying for that bond and for wisdom as a parent is the best to do. Thank you for the reminder! I have slacked in that area! And on days like this, you need to know that you are a wonderful mother!!!!
ReplyDeleteSweet Jenna,
ReplyDeleteI love how freely you shared your heart. It is so nice to know im not alone in all of my mommy struggles! I too do not know how I would do it without my Lord to help me through. Isnt it wonderful to know as we are faithful to pray His will in our lives He is faithful to answer! Thanks for encouraging me not to only pray for myself but other moms who are struggling too!